Lads Mags and Sex Advice…
Posted by charliegrrl on July 25, 2006
Lads Mags give sex advice…on how to have sex…
But is more like- how to work a female body to get you off and how to work a female body to make you feel like a man…
“How To Have Enjoyable Tantric Sex:
Step 1: Fill your bedroom full of candles and orchid petals, put on a CD of whale noises and slowly strip your girlfriend naked…
Step 2: Put on a pair of sunglasses with wide-awake eyes painted on them, then lie down tenderly next to her and respectfully penetrate her vagina with your penis.
Step 3: After three minutes, ejaculate, then fall asleep for eight hours while she slowly builds up a mystical, full body orgasm. Awaken just in time to get your nuts squeezed dry a second time. Result!”
(Maxim August 2006 pg 38)
Nah, I don’t think that would get a result with the ladies somehow…
Loaded have a pulling quiz with a list of four options to choose from for the 7 stages of pulling Sophia, a model. First being, deciding what to wear, second make a move on the dance floor…
Loaded: “It worked! But what’s your between-the-sheet manner?
a) Tender and loving. Doing massages and stuff
b) Pump away like a crap house door on carnival day
c) Take her from behind while savaging her neck like a jack rabbit
d) Sleep like a baby: wake up crying covered in wee”
Model“I love giving oral so B. I prefer giving than receiving- I like to see how the guy reacts. I don’t really care about the taste. I always swallow, spitting’s just rude”
(Loaded August 2006 pg 75-76)
What…even if he may have an STI..?
The Pneumatic Drill Position
“Because if a girl’s worth doing, she’s worth doing properly.”
2) Why to do it
This is a good position for fucking her really hard…meanwhile, she can nuzzle her face into your quivering thighs like a baby cow searching for milk.
3) Why she should do it
Most women like to be dominated from time to time and this is the perfect position to do it in, since you’re in complete control of her body. Reinforce this feeling by giving her the odd playful slap on the arse and possibly sending her out for chips afterwards.
4) How to convince her to do it
…Each time you enter her, these pleasurable sensations will cause her to contract tighter around you, letting her imagine your penis is almost as big as you tell people it is.”
(Maxim August 2006 pg 150-151)
Umm…you forgot to ask her, and see if she would enjoy this position, that would be nice…