Blog of Feminist Activism

The feminist activism of charliegrrl and co

Lads Mags and Sex Advice…

Posted by charliegrrl on July 25, 2006

Lads Mags give sex advice…on how to have sex…
But is more like- how to work a female body to get you off and how to work a female body to make you feel like a man…

“How To Have Enjoyable Tantric Sex:
Step 1: Fill your bedroom full of candles and orchid petals, put on a CD of whale noises and slowly strip your girlfriend naked…
Step 2: Put on a pair of sunglasses with wide-awake eyes painted on them, then lie down tenderly next to her and respectfully penetrate her vagina with your penis.
Step 3: After three minutes, ejaculate, then fall asleep for eight hours while she slowly builds up a mystical, full body orgasm. Awaken just in time to get your nuts squeezed dry a second time. Result!”
(Maxim August 2006 pg 38)

 Nah, I don’t think that would get a result with the ladies somehow…

Loaded have a pulling quiz with a list of four options to choose from for the 7 stages of pulling Sophia, a model. First being, deciding what to wear, second make a move on the dance floor…

Loaded: “It worked! But what’s your between-the-sheet manner?
a) Tender and loving. Doing massages and stuff
b) Pump away like a crap house door on carnival day
c) Take her from behind while savaging her neck like a jack rabbit
d) Sleep like a baby: wake up crying covered in wee”
Model“I love giving oral so B. I prefer giving than receiving- I like to see how the guy reacts. I don’t really care about the taste. I always swallow, spitting’s just rude”
(Loaded August 2006 pg 75-76)
 

What…even if he may have an STI..?

The Pneumatic Drill Position

“Because if a girl’s worth doing, she’s worth doing properly.”
 

2) Why to do it
This is a good position for fucking her really hard…meanwhile, she can nuzzle her face into your quivering thighs like a baby cow searching for milk.
3) Why she should do it
Most women like to be dominated from time to time and this is the perfect position to do it in, since you’re in complete control of her body. Reinforce this feeling by giving her the odd playful slap on the arse and possibly sending her out for chips afterwards.

4) How to convince her to do it
…Each time you enter her, these pleasurable sensations will cause her to contract tighter around you, letting her imagine your penis is almost as big as you tell people it is.”
(Maxim August 2006 pg 150-151)

Umm…you forgot to ask her, and see if she would enjoy this position, that would be nice…

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11 Responses to “Lads Mags and Sex Advice…”

  1. The only way that a girl can appear herioic in the eyes of lad’s mags: by being willing to give head and not want to take anything back in return!

    Shameful.

    This Sophia woman, OMG! They just get willing women to say exactly what they want to say, ploughing their politics into them! Cos Sophia knows that if she doesn’t comply, they’ll just call up another ‘beautiful model’ to dance to their tune anyway.

  2. Tantra is not merely sex, with which most Westerners identify Tantric Yoga,but an entire science of communion – communication and union within the Self. It has been corrupted by the west into somekind of super duper sexual activity, but then i would’t really expect for the Lad’s Mags to have a clue.

  3. witchy-woo said

    We, as feminists, so need to reach teenaged girls. And I mean, NOW.

    Don’t you agree?

  4. Witchy Woo – I agree. This sickens me, what the hell do they think they are doing? This all reminds me of a dystopian film ‘Magnolia’ in which Tom Cruise played this misogynist arsehole who was giving workshops for men on how to get a woman to do what they want and so on. I think its so important to reach teenage girls so that they know whats *really* going on and that they must not take all this crap literally. I worry about my 17 year old sister, I want to make sure she doesn’t end up being coerced or feeling that she can’t protest men using porn and so on.

  5. Bruce Jameson said

    Stumbling upon this blog, I must say I am rather surprised by the amount of outrage present.

    It almost seems as though you don’t believe that it is possible for people to have views that differ from yours.

    I’ll start with charliegrrl’s post itself:
    I would suggest that the articles she cites include certain amounts of dry humor. The part about painted sunglasses alone would indicate that the passage isn’t to be taken seriously.
    As to the piece regarding Sophie, were STI’s involved, she would be at risk even without swallowing.
    Finally, as to Maxim’s article, I would imagine that the article presumes that “she” would be asked. Not only because it includes a section on how to convince her that it is a good idea, but also because it simply goes without saying. In giving a friend directions to your house would you include things such as “Open your own door. Walk outside. etc.”?

    Moving to the comments.

    sarah loise: Were I commenting to a magazine on the same subject as Sophia, my response would differ little. I enjoy giving more than recieving. I would not be paid or coerced. Your statement seems rather arrogant, as it assumes that no woman would or could say such a thing willingly.
    Finally, while it is always admirable to champion a just cause, it is imperative to exercise moderation. When informing others of one’s cause ensure that the information given is both accurate and fair to both sides, lest one be accused of giving a one sided account of events to sway others to their cause.

  6. Bruce,
    I understand the tone of lads mags articles is often dry humour, but I feel that making out that women are literally sex objects for male pleasure isn’t funny.

    For the record, I am aware that a person can get an STI regardless if she/he spits or swallows.

    The impression I got with the Maxim article saying, ‘how to convince her’ to do the sex position, is literally how to CONVINCE her. Not take into account if she desires this. I understand the tone is supposed to be funny, and they aren’t literally advocating men convince their girlfriend to do a sex position they don’t want to, but it is implied in the impression Maxim give of women being sex objects.

    Women may say they prefer giving rather than recieving, but in the context of the magazine, such women often pander to what men want to hear, i.e ‘I love having sex with women’, ‘I really want a threesome’, ‘I love wearing kinky underwear’ etc… I’ve read so many lads mags interviews with women that it seems they are all following the same script…
    Afterall, these lads mags are paying them, so the women are going to give the men what they want to hear

  7. Anonymous said

    One of my friends was reading FHM in her boyfriend’s bathroom and there was some guy who wrote in for advice because his girlfriend took too long for his liking in getting ready for sex, so the sex columnist’s advice was for him to spit on his hand and use it as lube!

    Really, I want to believe that women exist as people to these men but the kind of advice lad’s mags give (as far as I can tell – since my boyfriend doesn’t get them so I don’t see them in detail) treats women as inflatable dolls.

  8. witchy-woo said

    Good Lord anonymous! Women exist as people in mainstream porn? Not simply as wankfests for males? What a revolutionary idea.

    Sorry but that would upset the power balance way too much and so it’ll never catch on.

    Women as people

    *tuts*

    [Apologies. Friday night squiffy, here ;)}

  9. ‘Lads Mags treat women as inflatable dolls’

    I like that comment

  10. kaci said

    I have been a lesbian for many years, i hate the way mate treat women through lads mags but unfortunately its the way women have been socialised by men which in turn turns it into a positive aspect of female life. Men dominated women for many years until the last few centurys when it all started changing.
    I see the world in a totally different view to straight women, I dont need men for anything apart from if I wanted children and the straight women just look at me blankly and almost brain washed.
    Reading these blogs now I am even smiling and nodding my head because I do agree with every one elses comments.
    Women = sex = mens pleasure = lads mags = advice “how to get the best out of your woman for your pleasure”
    what has it all come to and am I the only one who thinks like this and sees the world so different – through my eyes I see how society is still controlled by men. Anyone else or just me?

  11. Jessica said

    OMG! and kids can buy these magazines? 😦

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