A lot of women fantasise about rape…apparently
Posted by charliegrrl on August 8, 2006
Maxim came with an Erotica Supplement this month…which was their attempt to make their porn seem arty…
They quoted Anna Span, a porn director, saying…
“Some women want softer stuff, but there are a lot of women like myself who want harder stuff. I’ve shot bukkake, arse-to-mouth, a lot of anal, gangbangs… You can shoot that in a way that make the woman look like she is being used. A lot of women fantasize about things like rape, or animals…it’s a myth that women want soft stuff. Maybe in their own lives, but not in porn”
(Maxim Erotica Sep 2006 pg 32)
It is wholly irresponsible for Maxim to print such a comment as ‘women fantasize about rape’. This is a magazine that propagates the sexual objectification of women…and meanwhile thousands of women are raped in the UK and less than 6% of rapes reported result in a conviction.
I wonder if Anna Span is aware that porn simulating rape is illegal..?
I’m also wondering how she manages to produce bukkake, gang bang and arse-to-mouth porn without the women looking like they are being used..?
Maybe she means a gang of women pounding dildos into the arse and mouth of a man..?
Maybe she means a woman taking a man from behind then shoving her in his mouth so he can get a good taste..?
Maybe she means a group of women taking it in turn to masturbate over a man’s face with their cum spurting into his and mouth..?
And the man moaning like he’s enjoying all this…
Probably not…
Postcards available from Truth About Rapewww.truthaboutrape.co.uk
Blog of Feminist Activism 
sparkleMatrix said
Yeah the porno models just love it! Don’t see them stop rolling the cameras while she’s been sick in the bathroom, or crying from the pain and/or abuse. Unless of course that’s just how evil they want it. I know this from a very good source as my brother is a film director (BBC docs mostly) and no he has never directed porn, and nor would he ever do it, but he knows a lot about the industry. Come on Maxim this is men gone mad! Fucking wake up, its human beings you’re dealing with here!
CopyPasta said
Actually, there are a surprising number of men who like that kinda thing. Especially the part about a group of women masturbating over the face of a man.
Kind of interesting, actually. You find regular sex degrading, as it somehow portrays women in an objectified, submissive pose (you’re gonna have to take it up with nature on that one: us men weren’t the ones who designed the reproductive process).
You also find anal objectifing. Understandable, I suppose.
But you also find bukkake somehow harmful. Even though the woman is barely touched, if at all.
This makes me wonder: what kind of heterosexual sex is okay for you? Especially is, God forbid, we try to do it the traditional way if we wanna make a child?
Cause I certainly don’t want my wife to feel submissive on account of my big bad evil penis of death…
But then I doubt having her penetrate me would work to well as far as reproduction is concerned.
CopyPasta said
As far as your disbelief regarding rape fantasies…
“Other studies found that 51 percent of women fantasized about being forced to have sex, while a third imagined: ‘I’m a slave who must obey a man’s every wish.'”
http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/index.php?term=pto-19950901-000019&page=3
Just because you don’t doesn’t mean nobody does.
delphyne said
The reality is that a lot of men fantasise about rape – raping women that is.
Instead of owning up to this though, the chickenshits at Maxim and its like, hide behind women’s so-called fantasies. Why they are unable to come straight out and say they get erections from watching women being hurt and humiliated is beyond me. Instead we keep hearing the dull refrain that this is what women want and if they can find a woman to spout this propaganda, even better for them it appears.
witchy-woo said
Well I wouldn’t ask someone to do anything I’m not prepared to do myself…
Then again, I’m not an abuser, a rapist or a pornographer nor is my name Anna Span (whoever he is).
Fucking bastards.
The mood I’m in tonight, I just want to kill them all. Fucking abusers.
Laurelin said
I can’t believe that these ‘magazines’ think that advertising this abusive shit is okay. I don’t have anything to say, all I can do is get angrier and grieve.
Stormcloud said
Fantasy: stuff that hasn’t happened in real life (whether or not you actually want it to happen in real life).
So, given that rape is pandemic, the number of women that it hasn’t happened to is growing smaller by the day. Which should eventually kill off this pro-porn rape-fantasy argument once every woman on the planet has been raped? But until then, we must suffer this propaganda (not).
It is also sickening when they use a woman as the mouthpiece for patriarchy’s propaganda war.
Ms Span is a bit contradictory: “…A lot of women fantasize about things like rape, or animals…it’s a myth that women want soft stuff. Maybe in their own lives, but not in porn”
Porn says to the consumer that “she likes it” “it gives her pleasure” ad nauseam. So, Ms Span says they (women) want ‘soft’ in their own lives but not in (their) porn. Why not? If it is indeed pleasurable, why not do it in one’s own life? It is easy enough to achieve for fairly much any woman. I could go down to my local pub right now, strip off and say “ok you big hunks, I want you to cum all over me”.
Propaganda such as this, just feeds the old rape myth, “she says no, but really she means yes” or “just playing hard to get”. Because in porn, ‘rape’ isn’t rape, because once the woman (or women) concerned have been penetrated or spunked upon, they like it, so the subtext is that she either wanted it all along, or just needed to be shown that she wanted it.
So what’s my bukkake fantasy? The one I don’t mind have happen in real life?
That all the LM readers, including our resident trolls, get to spend a night or two in the local jail. Their cellmates would be big muscular blokes with names like Bubba, Tex, Killa. Whilst in the cell, despite the protests from our dear LMRs and trolls, Bubba, Tex and Killa shoot gallons of spunk onto the faces of our principals, making sure of course, for lots a pink eye. Our LMRs and trolls would also happily swallow as much of this spunk as possible, smile and beg for more. The icing for this scene would be for Bubba to take our LMR up the arse (all the better if he’s a bum-virgin too, nice tight arse) then just before Bubba cums, whips it out of our nice bum-virgin and rams into LMR’s mouth. Mmm, tasty.
Not degrading at all, is it?
http://uts.cc.utexas.edu/%7Erjensen/freelance/paradoxofpornography.htm
Stormcloud said
“The mood I’m in tonight, I just want to kill them all. Fucking abusers.”
Hi Witchy:
Mind if I ride shotgun on that one?
🙂
Hey copytroll:
See MY bukkake fantasy, specifically I had YOU in mind – say hi to Bubba for me!
charliegrrl said
Copypasta:
I have no problem with heterosexual sex. Consensual heterosexual sex is not rape.
I don’t find regular sex degrading- if you consider gangbangs and anal-to-mouth, as they are portrayed in porn, as ‘regular sex’ then you’ve been watching too much porn…
In Bukkake porn, the woman may not be touched, but having sperm sprayed all over her face is degrading. If a woman wants to do this in her own sex life, then so be it, but porn depicting stuff like bukkake is done for a reason- to portray women as sex objects for male pleasure and domination.
If a woman fantasises about being forced to have sex, this a fantasy. Rape is inherently unconsensual, there is a difference between rape and a woman desiring to be dominated by and losing control to a man.
la somnambule said
I fail to understand how any of this stuff can be filmed without making the woman look like she is being used. Vile.
Have you seen Prey for Rock & Roll? Fairly trashy film, featuring a man playing out a rape ‘fantasy’. He tries to fulfill this fantasy with his girlfriend who pulls a gun on him – there’s a great line where she explains that her fantasy is to shoot her rapist! Things get nasty but you can’t help cheering when the protagonist tatooes ‘rapist’ on his forehead.
laurelin said
Kind of interesting, actually. You find regular sex degrading, as it somehow portrays women in an objectified, submissive pose (you’re gonna have to take it up with nature on that one: us men weren’t the ones who designed the reproductive process).
Ffs, Copywhatever, do you have a reading comprehension problem or are you just stupid? How on earth you could get ‘Charlie thinks sex is evil’ from Charlie’s refusal to accept the abuse of women as sexual objects? Oh wait, you’re a pro-porner, and as such, cannot tell the difference between sex and porn.
“Other studies found that 51 percent of women fantasized about being forced to have sex, while a third imagined: ‘I’m a slave who must obey a man’s every wish.'”
So what? We live in a society where power is eroticised because one half of the population rules over the other. The point is that women are raped in the making of pornography, many are the victims of incest or other sexual abuse, and pornography exists BECAUSE of the abuse of women. This is not about women’s fanatasies (as usual, seen through the eyes of men), but abuse. Rape is a violent act intended to humiliate the victim.
If you gave a shit about the abuse of women instead of accusing Charlie of prudery (Oh the horror!) then you’d take the information she’s providing very seriously. But I’m not so foolish as to believe you have either empathy for women, or a spine.
Sarah Louise Parry said
Being paid to shamelessly look like you are being raped is one thing, but for some woman with a fancy title to dismiss the seriousness of rape and naturalise it into the realm of male fantasy is a disgrace.
Is this Anna Span actually a fucking woman? As she either has a dick down there, or one protruding from her head it would seem.
charliegrrl said
Anna Span is a woman, they showed a photo of her. Her porn films will be sold in Ann Summers…
CopyPasta said
“A lot of women fantasize about things like rape…it’s a myth that women want soft stuff. Maybe in their own lives, but not in porn.”
“If a woman fantasises about being forced to have sex, this a fantasy.”
Wait, so what’s the problem? You and Maxim just said basically the same things here. Maxim said, in regards to porn, a good number of women fantasize about rape. They even made the distinction between fantasies and their own, real lives.
Nobody is saying that it’s ok to rape women, regardless of how much you delude otherwise. And there is no big conspiracy about men getting “erections from watching women being hurt and humiliated.” The men who are specifically into that are few and far between.
But if it makes you feel better or something, keep on believing that all men are Jack the Ripper. I hear tinfoil hats can help keep us away.
And stormcloud, I am still greatly saddened that me having differing opinions from you marks me as some subhuman troll in your eyes. I weep for humanity.
sophia said
You need more than this
http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/index.php?term=pto-19950901-000019&page=3
To make a fact, copy…
sparkleMatrix said
Mmmm ye well maybe Anna span is not very well and will be telling “her” story in Hmmm 10 years time
CopyPasta said
Ffs, Copywhatever, do you have a reading comprehension problem or are you just stupid?
Gracious, calm yourself. At least charliegrrl has the decency to keep her arguments free of insult and personal attacks. I think the internet may be too exciting for you. May I suggest shuffleboard instead? Or checkers?
So what?
So, there is Maxim’s justification for publishing their comment.
This is not about women’s fanatasies (as usual, seen through the eyes of men)
I wonder how the eyes of men could have warped these findings?
“Have you had sexual fantasies of being raped or dominated?” Y/N
OH GOD THE TRICKERY OF MEN
Anonymous said
“So what’s my bukkake fantasy? The one I don’t mind have happen in real life?
That all the LM readers, including our resident trolls, get to spend a night or two in the local jail. Their cellmates would be big muscular blokes with names like Bubba, Tex, Killa. Whilst in the cell, despite the protests from our dear LMRs and trolls, Bubba, Tex and Killa shoot gallons of spunk onto the faces of our principals, making sure of course, for lots a pink eye. Our LMRs and trolls would also happily swallow as much of this spunk as possible, smile and beg for more. The icing for this scene would be for Bubba to take our LMR up the arse (all the better if he’s a bum-virgin too, nice tight arse) then just before Bubba cums, whips it out of our nice bum-virgin and rams into LMR’s mouth. Mmm, tasty.
Not degrading at all, is it?”
If everyone involved, Bubba and the rest of them, all consent to it… then no.
Stormcloud said
A biog (and pictures) of Anna Span can be found on her website:
http://www.annaspansdiary.com/intro/intro.php?content=about_anna
A random article about Anna Span puts a different spin than the Maxim one:
http://www.handbag.com/relationships/sex/pornforgirls/
I haven’t seen any of her films, so I am unable to comment as to which is the more accurate view, that is, is it porn, or erotica?
It is highly possible (patriarchy-conspiracy-theory, look away now) that Maxim has either twisted her words or taken them out of context somehow. (But nor am I saying that I am willing to automatically believe that what she produces is erotica, and will make up my mind if I ever see the product.) As we know, it is not the explicitness of porn that is the objection, it is the denigrating attitude towards women and power plays involved.
Random musing: Can true erotica ever be produced without being tainted by porn?
Personally, I don’t think I’ve ever seen true erotica.
Anonymous said
94% of men who rape in the UK walk free
What a load of shit. If there evidence that they had raped then they would have been sentenced. Or does innocent until proven guilty not apply to accusations of rape?
charliegrrl said
Copypasta
What I meant by my comment about rape fantasies is that a person cannot fantasise about rape, because the desire for the sexual act negates it from being rape…because rape is unconsensual. I feel Anna Span or Maxim, have used the word ‘rape’ wrongly to describe the sexual fantasy of being dominated. However, I feel the way the comment is presented in Maxim, suggests to the male readers that women secretly want to be raped, which is dangerous.
charliegrrl said
I would rather people debate the matter in hand rather than slag one another off- I know it can be hard! 🙂
Anonymous
Firstly, what people do in their own sex lives, as long as it’s consensual, is their own business.
Many women may ‘consent’ to partake in degrading porn, but the context of this consent must be considered- namely, a world in which there is a male demand to view and use women as sex objects.
Rape is an everyday occurance in the UK. A negligable amount of women falsely accuse men of rape. Meanwhile, the majority of men who do rape go unpunished.
The Criminal Justice System is poor at dealing with rape. Of the rapes that reach court, there may not be enough evidence because DNA evidence may not have been collected, and often it is a case of the woman’s word against the man’s. So, most rapists get off free. We should be working towards improving the Criminal Justice System in convicting rapists.
At present the blame lies with the woman- is she promiscuous, was she flirtatious, is she a liar, was she drunk..? However, the blame should lie firmly with men.
If you do not believe that rape is an everyday occurance and that women live in fear of sexual violence, then see http://www.truthaboutrape.co.uk
Personally, if I was a man, I would feel ashamed that fellow men rape and women live in fear. I would want to help women, rather than disbelieve them.
Stormcloud said
Charliegrrl:
“What I meant by my comment about rape fantasies is that a person cannot fantasise about rape, because the desire for the sexual act negates it from being rape…because rape is unconsensual.”
Really, really well put.
Sophia said
All men benefit from some men being rapists. Keeps us scared and more able to control. That is one of the reasons most men don’t like to examine the real facts behind rape.
Stormcloud said
“If everyone involved, Bubba and the rest of them, all consent to it… then no.”
The recipients/participants really do need some serious counselling to find out why they ‘like’ degrading acts (done to them/others). Bukkake, water sports, glass bottom boat rides, arse-to-mouth (does it have a name?) ARE all fairly degrading to the recipient. Perhaps, anonotroll, you have been conditioned/desensitised by pornography, and see it all as ‘normal’ sex. There is nothing wrong with experimentation, and there are plenty of activities that do not involve ritualised humiliation.
“If there evidence that they had raped then they would have been sentenced.”
Perhaps there is the problem in a word – evidence. Quite often there may not be significant physical evidence, and relies on ‘her word against his’. As women have lower status in this society, a situation of HWAH results with believing HIM over HER. The ~6% conviction rate is only for reported rapes. Most women do not report rape, primarily because of this situation. Domestic Violence also has roughly the same conviction rate for reported offences, and is grossly under-reported. Again, it’s HWAH, and he is believed over her. The other big problem is that most rapes are committed by someone the victims knows, and perhaps has even had consensual sex before. Victims rarely lie, but also rarely do they tell. (sorry Charliegrrl, a bit of a repeat on yours, but the main point was the status thing)
“I would rather people debate the matter in hand rather than slag one another off- I know it can be hard!”
Yep, I am a bad, bad, bad Stormcloud. But trolls are fair game, they don’t come here to ‘debate’ the issues nor to learn – evidenced by the fact they continually bring up the same old pro-porn arguments, and oppose everything that anyone else has to say. They are just argumentative for ‘sport’ or their own amusement. But I will *try* to be good!
“And stormcloud, I am still greatly saddened that me having differing opinions from you marks me as some subhuman troll in your eyes. I weep for humanity.”
Weep away baby! I call you a troll because you post to an anti-porn blog, with consistently pro-porn views, and have no intention of learning – I have seen no evidence of your learning anything. I gave you Jensen links because he’s a man, and primarily addresses a male audience (including those currently using porn). You see, not ALL men believe that porn is good and harmless. If you want me to stop referring to you as a troll, show me that you are learning and understanding, not just coming into this space to be argumentative. I would really love to be wrong on this one (that you do wish to learn, and not to troll).
laurelin said
What a load of shit. If there evidence that they had raped then they would have been sentenced. Or does innocent until proven guilty not apply to accusations of rape?
If an anonatroll says it’s a crock of shit offering no evidence, then it must be *rolls eyes*
Gracious, calm yourself. At least charliegrrl has the decency to keep her arguments free of insult and personal attacks. I think the internet may be too exciting for you. May I suggest shuffleboard instead? Or checkers?
I think Copypasta can be classified under the species Lesser Gentleman Troll! 😉
CopyPasta said
What I meant by my comment about rape fantasies is that a person cannot fantasise about rape, because the desire for the sexual act negates it from being rape…because rape is unconsensual. I feel Anna Span or Maxim, have used the word ‘rape’ wrongly to describe the sexual fantasy of being dominated. However, I feel the way the comment is presented in Maxim, suggests to the male readers that women secretly want to be raped, which is dangerous.
Not quite. Even though consent does technically negate the concept of rape, the fantasy is still there. A similar concept would be age-play; some girl or guy acting like a baby, wearing diapers and a pacifer. Is that person really a baby? Of course not. But they’re make-believing that they are. Rape fantasies, like BDSM, often have the woman (or man) with a failsafe word like, I dunno, pizza or something, while the victim play acts screaming for the “rapist” to stop.
If Maxim had said any more regarding women “fantasizing about rape,” then yes, they would go too far. All they had, however, was one little sentence in which they specifically said that it was only a fantasy.
Of course, I never liked Maxim, anyways. As pornography it fails hard and as literature it fails harder. I think it is an idiotic magazine for idiots.
I do not think, however, that it is the head of some anti-female conspiracy to keep women down. It’s just a stupid magazine for stupid guys who wanna get woodies and read fart jokes.
All men benefit from some men being rapists. Keeps us scared and more able to control. That is one of the reasons most men don’t like to examine the real facts behind rape.
Are these the same men trying to control your mind with satelites while covering the truth about Jesus and keeping UFOs and Bigfoot hidden?
I think Copypasta can be classified under the species Lesser Gentleman Troll! 😉
Indeed. I keep my monocle and cane right next to my voodoo mask and axe 🙂
sophia said
Are these the same men trying to control your mind with satelites while covering the truth about Jesus and keeping UFOs and Bigfoot hidden?
I don’t know gentleman trol, for it was not i who said it but, well I’ll let you find that one out. You have ‘micro-vision’ … a total denial/inability to see the bigger picture. Now you are been silly and loosing your temper. How can we possibly have a debate under these circumstances?
sparkleMatrix said
“Of course, I never liked Maxim, anyways. As pornography, it fails hard and as literature, it fails harder. I think it is an idiotic magazine for idiots”
It fails HARD as pornography.
Exactly CP. We are trying to explore the rape myth that damages and wrecks life’s, sometimes beyond repair, Please respect that as a man you are in a privileged position.
Use that privileged wisely.
Stormcloud said
Copytroll:
From start to finish, I was laughing my arse off!
“Even though consent does technically negate the concept of rape”
Err, technically? So in copytroll-land you’ve tried getting around the mere technicality of consent?
“Of course, I never liked Maxim, anyways. As pornography it fails hard and as literature it fails harder. I think it is an idiotic magazine for idiots.”
But… you did ‘read’ it nonetheless, eh?
“I do not think, however, that it is the head of some anti-female conspiracy to keep women down.”
Shame, you missed the opportunity to become the 2IC of the AFC.
And ‘age-play’: I’ve never heard of women (as the babies), always the men (and how stupid they look too). I’d forgotten that bit of sicko-ness.
Ah, copytroll…
You amuse me, always missing the points in the ‘spirit of debate’.
ROTFLMAO – at you, not with you..
Anonymous said
If an anonatroll says it’s a crock of shit offering no evidence, then it must be *rolls eyes*
What exactly do you want me to offer evidence for? The presumption of innocence or the fact that there must be evidence a crime has occurred before the accused is sentenced?
jo said
In terms of evidence needed for conviction, in 2004 (or 2005 – will look it up later, but the year is irrelevant) 40 men & boys actually admitted they had raped, and merely got cautioned. Explain that if you will anons.
And copydear, I feel very sorry for your wife.
Biting Beaver said
Somewhere upthread I read about Anna Span. Someone mentioned that they had never seen her work, I have actually. Some time ago I issued a challenge over at my place for the pro-porn crowd to show me what they termed ‘erotica’, the results were humorous but informative.
Anna Span was the producer of the film I mentioned in this article.
http://bitingbeaver.blogspot.com/2005/11/lesbian-caricature.html
It was supposed to be a lesbian movie that was linked to me by a man who adamantly insisted that this was erotica rather than porn.
In the movie woman A was wearing a huge strap on and woman B was being fucked doggy style while woman A was slapping her and pulling her hair. Woman B produced a nice big fake orgasm and then woman A called her several derogatory names before telling woman B to ‘suck that dick’. Woman B then performed fellatio on the fake penis of woman A who moaned in ectasy at having her fake penis sucked.
This was Anna Span’s ‘erotica’.
As for the troll above (and yes, he is a troll) if he were really interested in anything more than empty excuses crafted to defend his preferred method of masturbation then he would have actually done real research. There is no lack of research in this arena yet by and large men tend to think that we should produce it and spoon feed it to them while they fight us all the way.
If he were really interested then he’d be following links and reading up with hard numbers, studies and statiscs that are simply a mouse click away. If a man can figure out how to type “Free XXX” then they can (I assume) figure out how to type “Studies on the effects of porn”.
Anonymous said
In terms of evidence needed for conviction, in 2004 (or 2005 – will look it up later, but the year is irrelevant) 40 men & boys actually admitted they had raped, and merely got cautioned. Explain that if you will anons.
Do you have a reliable source for that? Even if true, you can’t extrapolate an extreme minority of cases to claim that every single person accused of rape should be instantly considered guilty and locked up.
Stormcloud said
BB:
Then I will stand by my first assessment, of disliking the women who become the patriarchy’s mouthpiece. (My apologies here, as I’ve made my way through most of your archives, but not all as yet.)
And reiterate my earlier muse:
“Can true erotica ever be produced without being tainted by porn? Personally, I don’t think I’ve ever seen true erotica.”
He was clocked as a troll a while back (3 threads), despite his ‘why don’t you like mes’ and ‘why are you picking on me just because I have a different opinion from yourses’.
He’s just a complete and utter loser (whom I am sure thinks he is oh-so-clever). The only defense is that it is good practise debunking the pro-pornsters, however, it does hamper the true debate and progression of ideas. (Yes BB, I fully support your women-friendly, no trolls allowed policy.)
charliegrrl said
Copypasta, I don’t mind publishing comments from people who have opposing views, but you are starting to piss me off, sorry.
Anonymous
Rape is an everyday occurance, throughout the world. Urgent action needs to be taken to convict rapists and discourage men from raping.
The point Jo was making is that rape often occurs and doesn’t reach conviction. The British Crime Survey and stats from rape crisis centres indicates rape is a vastly under-reported crime.
A lack of evidence in a case does not mean a rape did not occur. There are many reasons why there may not be enough evidence
-police don’t collect the evidence
-the woman is too traumatised and leaves it too late
-the women knows the rapist, perhaps her partner, family member, and is afraid to get them into trouble
-the woman doesn’t report it for a while as she thinks he will not be believed
-the woman may have been spiked and be unsure of what happened at first
-the woman may have been drunk and may feel she will be disbelieved or be unsure of what happened at first
And even if there is evidence to suggest rape occured- the defense will argue that she consented to the sex anyway and she will most likely lose.
Rape is a crime that should be taken seriously.
Stormcloud said
Charliegrrl:
ALL of your last post is excellent.
Particularly:
“And even if there is evidence to suggest rape occured- the defense will argue that she consented to the sex anyway and she will most likely lose.
Rape is a crime that should be taken seriously.”
Right on sister!
And exactly why I didn’t *bother* to report my last* rape. (*yep, more than one over 30 years) That admission is possibly going to get me kicked out of the militant feminist club… (hope not!)
charliegrrl said
Gosh Stormcloud, I’m sorry to hear about your experience.
I don’t think not reporting rape means you aren’t a feminist, I think you’re safely part of the rad fem club 🙂
sparkleMatrix said
Thank You Stormcloud. I was starting to find CP a bit too triggering for me.
Cheers to you sista!
Stormcloud said
Charliegrrl:
Hope so.
Yeah, the *last* one was fairly typical.
He was an ex-work colleague. Had known him for quite a while. We went out (this was well after I left the old work), had a great time, yep, a few drinks as well.
He insisted on seeing me home ‘to be sure I was safe’. I trusted him, had no reason not to. Once I had the front door open (converted Victorian terrace into flats) he then made his ‘move’. Despite a constant barrage of ‘no no no, stop, stop, stop, don’t, don’t, don’t’ (etc), he got me on the floor. I was a size 10, 5’5″ (and an office worker, who didn’t ‘do’ gym). He was approximately 50% more bodyweight, and used it against me (despite constant physical struggling on my part). He completed his rape of me. As he left I think I said stuff to the effect of ‘fuck off and never see me again’ along those lines anyway. And certainly, the only thing complying with my wishes (consent) was the last part. (oh, goody)
If he thought it truly wasn’t a rape, then he would have resumed contact, or tried to ‘clear up any misunderstanding’. He didn’t. At the time I knew it was rape. Afterward I knew it was rape. And I’m pretty damn fucking sure that HE knew it was rape. There blows the other great patriarchy rape myth, that HE doesn’t KNOW, or MISUNDERSTOOD. Fucking utter bullshit. He knew.
I didn’t report it mainly because of (and this was my view of the successfulness of legal redress at the time):
1) I knew him and had ‘been out with him’ (that night, and to a minor extent, had been drinking)
2) no proof that the ‘sex’ wasn’t consensual
What I didn’t know at the time was that 80-90% of rapes ARE by someone the victim knows. (Cue yet another conspiracy theory here) that most victims won’t report it because it doesn’t fit the ‘nasty stranger in dark alley scenario’ because I am sure that featured in my thinking as well. Anyway, all the decisions were based on information that I had at the time – this (acquaintance-as-most-likely rapist) information wasn’t readily available at the time, indeed, (conspiracy theory), repressed.
So that was the last one. I have been raped four times in total. Each a different scenario. All of the ‘successful’ rapes were men that I knew (with the exception of the first, reasonably well). Certainly that doesn’t include the GREATER number of attempted rapes that I have successfully thwarted.
I’ve gotta ask – what makes me so fucking special? To be raped that many times. The answer is nothing, nothing because I am a woman. A moment of opportunity that presents ‘itself’. I am not (nor ever have been) meek and mild, not a ‘sexually inviting bimbo’, nor ‘leading him on’ or any other such crap from the patriarchy propaganda machine. I regard myself as average looking. But looks have absolutely NOTHING to do with it (the ‘attractive’ women get raped, the ‘ugly’ women get raped).
Nope, I didn’t do ANYTHING to encourage (but always actively discouraged/protested) rape. Yet it happened. I as a woman, an average women, am far less physically strong than the average man. Men’s (self-defence) laws are against me. Men’s courtrooms are against me obtaining true and fair justice. And we have in the name of freedom of speech/expression/commerce, pornography that glorifies rape (or ‘forced/coerced sex’).
So thankfully this thread is back on topic.
So I say to copytroll, and anonotroll, in your lame-arsed defences of porn and rape porn –
GO FUCK YOURSELVES
(Ever so eloquently put by the stormcloud) 🙂
I’m not looking for sympathy or anything else. I don’t even think I’ve even told anyone else (so bizarrely, I decide to tell the universe all at once?).
Rape happens. It happens every day. What on earth is the need to fantasize about an everyday occurrence? Only MEN would ‘need’ to fantasize about that everyday occurrence – then PROJECT it onto women. Yeah, projection – clocked you again guys….
charliegrrl said
I have to say, Stormcloud, that comment was one of the most moving things I have ever read.
Thanks for sharing it with us and I’m sure every fem here reading it will feel for you.
That piece should be part of an anti-rape manifesto
x
charliegrrl said
Stormcloud
Copypasta has left a response to your piece, basically saying that women who are victims of sexual violence once, will give off an impression of vulnerability so that a person is more likely to be sexually victimized again.
So nothing to do with men raping women, more the woman attracting rapists, huh Copypasta…?!?
I’m not sure if you want to read it Stormcloud, it’s up to you
x
Stormcloud said
Off-blog, I have read the above-mentioned unpublished post from our resident troll.
Strangely, it actually shows him to have some research ability, and possibly even intelligence, when compared with his previous posts of pro-porn, pro-rape rhetoric. A bit of a waste really.
However, whilst the sources quoted may be credible establishment ones, they are that, that of the same ‘establishment’ (patriarchy) that perpetuates woman-to-blame, and really don’t warrant repetition on an anti-establishment (feminist) blog. I did not bother verifying whether the source and its content were accurate on this occasion, but it is irrelevant and I have better things to do with my time.
On a personal note regarding the sources and content quoted:
Wrong, wrong, wrong and wrong. None are applicable in my case, and I certainly didn’t have PTSD as a result of that or any other rape. I did however, for a period after that rape, lose the ability to ‘trust’ men, but that event was not even why I am a self-proclaimed ‘man-hater’ (95% of men anyway).
There is no “vibe the victim gives off”, it is a matter of motive and opportunity on the part of the rapist. Yes, that’s right, it is the rapist’s fault that the rape occurs, not the victim’s. I wrote more in depth about this, but requested that the post not be published due to length and some reworking needed (it was complex). I can say categorically, there is NO victim vibe given off by me. You can tell by the straightforward way I write that I actually project a “don’t fuck with me” attitude. Motive and opportunity, say the mantra, motive and opportunity….
As far as previous rapes, molestations, or PTSDs etc, affecting the victim’s ability to defend herself, the victim is almost always (if not always) ‘outgunned’ by size, weight, muscle mass and usually ‘fight’ experience. These are the factors that make it appear that women don’t fight back (they may struggle, but in men’s language, that doesn’t constitute fighting back). Add to that that it is more likely that the victim knows (and probably trusts) her attacker, and although he may be hurting her, she cannot ‘bring herself’ to hurt him. It’s called caring and empathy for other people, something rapists (obviously) don’t have. I do actually know some lethal self defence moves (the only bits I remembered!), however, certainly had reservations about using them upon a known attacker, but I probably wouldn’t have had the same reservation with the stranger attacker. Add to that, the women who do fight back (as in many domestic violence cases) are dealt with most harshly by the law.
I find that copytroll’s attitudes are the same ones as those shared by rapists – entitlement, victim-blaming, and continual defence (and use) of pornography and rape fantasies. Experience has taught me to look closely at the attitudes in order to spot rapists or abusers, because one sure as hell can’t pick them out of a line-up based on physical appearance.
gina said
Okay. I’ve been lurking and from what you just said charliegrrl, Copypasta should be banned. Once you start blaming the rape victim you can fuck off and die.
sparkleMatrix said
I worked as a counsellor for an agency that counselled anyone whose lives had been affected by SA. It could be the survivor, the mother of an abuser/rapist, the sister, the brother whatever. We worked with anyone who I have just said, “Whose lives had been affected by SA/Rape…EXCEPT the perpetrator. It was taken to vote once whether we should start working with the abusers, the result of the vote was NO! Let them go and spew their lies and disease on a Psychiatrist or something. I noticed early on in this thread that CP was a of an abusers mentality.
Laurelin said
Copypasta is a vile, cowardly misogynist.
What gina said.